It looks like this Christmas won’t be as amazing and white as last year, but it’s still been fun.  I have barely left home and enjoyed just being lazy for days at a time.  My aunt and uncle arrived yesterday with my new cousin Nikita Ethan Ward.  He just goes by Ethan…
I’ve been able to see a lot of people over the break that I haven’t seen in a while, which is good.  I can’t wait for Tuesday, when I’ll be headed back to Belgium for the first time in a year and a half.  It’s such an unbelievable feeling…I’ve never  looked forward to a trip so much in my life.  Before that, though, we have the joys of both Jesus’ birth and, more importantly, Chrismukkah.  You know what that means?  Chocolate fountain.

Most importantly, however, I received a package yesterday…Gandalf the White is finally back after two tedious months of Best Buy fucking up everything.  I had to reload all of my music on him, but he has the newer 4G software which is pretty cool.  They also cleaned him, which was nice.  I look forward to testing out his battery life on the plane ride to Belgium.

We look good.
Happy Jesusmas eve, bitches.

P.S.  It’s Christmas now, and I my  parents surprised me with new clothes that I was already wearing and a trip to Belgium.  It came out of no where!  I also got Indecision 2004, Scrubs Season 1 and Scene It, along with assorted gifts (including a Godfather framed picture that is pretty sweet).

P.P.S.  I miss everybody.  I haven’t seen anyone from the core in over two days!

P.P.P.S.  I can’t pull this off as well as Brandon.

December 8, 2005: 9:29 AM

Winter is finally here…four days after we had 80 degree weather.  Texas is so weird.  Like, Katie weird.

So last night at midnight I turn on my TV in hopes of watching the Daily Show and Colbert Report, only to find white noise.  No, not the Oscar-worthy Michael Keaton movie, just a screen full of static.  After putting my fist through the television screen and declaring God to be unjust, I asked myself, “how did I get here?”  Yesterday it started out pretty chilly, around 45 degrees.  By noon it had dropped to below freezing, and the call was made at 2:00 to cancel classes and shut down the school.  After that it was like watching a Friendswood High School lunch period.  The news spread faster than Leahanne’s Chlamydia.  There was a frenzy as people rushed to get back home, fearing certain death if they didn’t do so.  Katie and I didn’t really care, so we went and got some Wendy’s first.  I mean, come on, it’s just a little freeze, people.  You know that anyone from the northeast is looking at us and laughing.

Anyway, we (Katie and I) headed back to my apartment so we could study for our philosophy test.  Instead of doing that, however, I spent three hours goofing off, playing videogames and watching TV.  Me and Joanna’s 40 degree rule…I was not obligated to do any work yesterday.  After a brief hour of studying, I decided to go have some fun.  We decided that it was too dangerous to drive, so Katie was forced to stay at my apartment and study.  The only thing that made me happier than school getting cancelled was seeing the frustration on her face every time her computer would unexpectedly shut off.  As she studied, Jose and I went outside to examine our cars.  Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the first flight of stairs only to realize that the ledge had a layer of ice across it.  Twenty seconds, and one bruised ass later, we got to the bottom.  My car was, and still is, covered in a quarter inch of ice, all the way around.

So Jose and I get bored and decide to go take some pictures.  We bring our homemade ice pick and enough maturity to fill a marble.  A tiny marble.  After writing our names on my car, we go write on Jose’s friend Allison’s car.  We draw penises, smiley faces and write our names everywhere…then realize that it’s the wrong car.  That pretty much put an end to our fun with the ice pick.  We made some rice and I went to bed, thinking I would have to get up in six hours to go take my ethics test.  Katie and I get up, walk to the bus stop (my car is too iced over to drive it to the front of the complex) and stand there looking at the bus, parked one stop away.  After ten minutes of freezing to death, wondering why the bus was taunting us, someone finally comes up and tells us that school has been cancelled….again.  I should be happy right?  No!  Now I have to come back on Tuesday just to take my ethics final.  Damn you, cold weather.

It’s okay, though, because tonight (assuming the f-ing cold doesn’t cause it to be cancelled) I get to see King Kong!!!!  If it gets cancelled there’s a good chance that I’ll cry.  Assuming it’s a go, I’ll be spending about two hours outside in the freezing cold (literally) for Kong.  A small price to pay for the glory of seeing it early, and the week-long bragging rights that will follow.  I’ll make sure to post a quick review of the movie on here, focusing less on the movie and more on how awesome I am for seeing it before you.  Since I know Brandon is the only one who even remotely cares, I’ll make sure to be especially boastful towards him.

Today’s underrated thing is a show.  A very funny show called NewsRadio.  NewsRadio examined the lives of a bunch of professionals who worked at a radio station and the madness that ensued.  The supporting cast was great.  Phil Hartman was amazing.  I used to watch the show every night in junior high on the WB, along with reruns of crappy 90s sitcoms like Friends and Seinfeld.  Compared to that filth it’s hard to see why NewsRadio was never able to stand out as one of the best sitcoms of the 90s.  I mean, come on, a show about nothing?  Who would watch that crap (numerous times, and then buy the DVDs)?

That’s it for here.  It’s cold and I’m tired and hungry.  Sleep wins out.

I forgot to mention last entry that my website is now officially two years old.  In honor of this accomplishment, I am having a Ryan’s Website bash tentatively scheduled for December 20.  The party will be in Friendswood, so everyone who can come should pick their favorite entry to read.  Additionally, there will be website trivia, lots of food and movies from my top 100.  Happy 25 months, website!

In an attempt to join in on the quiz madness, I offer this one question.  Name the two Belgian cities I have lived in.  (Hint: the first one is easy and if you don’t get it then I hate you).  I don’t expect anyone to get the second city, but if you do (you can even go online and look at maps if you’d like) I will give you 1000 Damn-Damns.  Speaking of Belgium, I’m so excited about going back for the break!  I’ve been talking to all of my friends online recently, and it looks like we’re going to take a short trip to London after the New Year.  We’ll get to see a show on the West End…either the Producers, the new Joseph Fiennes play or A Christmas Carol staring Jean-Luc Picard himself.  Either way I’m really excited!  It’s pretty much the only thing I’ve been looking forward to all semester.

I really want to go buy a Christmas tree and decorations.  I’ll be in Austin for most of December and need to create a nice holiday atmosphere before I go home for Christmas.  We should all go shopping this weekend and then decorate.  Speaking of Christmas decorations, last weekend the core got together (sans Katie and Steph) and “politically corrected” some baby Jesuses.  Some may say our actions were sacrilegious, but I think we were actually honoring Christ by representing him accurately.  “You can laugh but I’m the one attempting to do some good.  Or do you really want a neighborhood where people still believe Jesus was white?  Bethlehem, Bethlehem’s a place where the Arabs lived.  This is Friendswood, Texas.  Jesus was not a WASP!”  So the ending doesn’t exactly rhyme, but I think it works.

In honor of Prozac’s death, I’d like to place a curse on Leahanne Lockard (I think I saw her name in the dictionary under “annoyance”) for naming her pet after a depression medication.  Talk about being a cruel parent…then again, her parent’s did name her Leah Anne.  In all seriousness, though, I’d just like to say that Atari was much more badass in the face of death.  Instead of hanging on until the bitter end, he decided to be a total hoss and jump out of his bowl to get it over with.  It’s the human equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest and then jumping off the side that is a sheer cliff, just for the hell of it.  That, or bailing out of the space station when it reaches the upper stratosphere.  Or staying behind on an asteroid to press the detonation switch just in time to save the world.  Man, Armageddon is an awesome movie.

Today’s picture of the day is of Cliff, the idiot preacher who set up shop on the West Mall today between 12-2.  He brought a group of students, two cameras and enough close-mindedness to feed Texas for years.  Whenever someone would challenge his ideas he would start yelling “BALONEY!” and then make a final statement before cutting the person off and discontinuing the conversation.  He also demonstrated a considerable lack of intelligence by only examining atheism from the moral relativist perspective, which most atheists adamantly reject in favor of objectivism.  The guy actually went as far as saying that anyone without Jesus in their lives had no morals and saw no difference between Mother Theresa and Hitler.  (That’s begging the question, but I don’t think Cliff would actually understand what that meant.)  That is one of the most absurd claims I’ve ever heard.  Simply not accepting Christ (or even God, for that matter) into your life does not mean that you cannot have an absolute moral code.  That is just wrong, or should I say, “BALONEY!”

He looks just like John Kerry!
Since Brandon is starting a new segment where he talks about what things are overrated, I thought I would start a segment on things that are underrated.  I think it goes without saying that the most underrated thing in existence is Ryan Ward, so I’ll just skip to something a little less agreed upon…Scrubs.  Seriously, what was NBC thinking by delaying the best show on television for an entire semester?  Scrubs is the most critically loved and brilliantly written sitcoms since the classics of the early 90s (Seinfeld, Friends and Walker Texas Ranger).  Even when Scrubs is bad, it is better than almost anything on television.  It’s been over a year since I’ve seen all of the episodes and I think a Scrubs/Dawson’s Creek marathon is in order.  Speaking of Dawson’s Creek, can you say underrated?  Discuss.

Finally, I’d like to leave you all with some facts about the greatest human being to ever walk the planet.  Chuck “I will roundhouse kick you out of existence” Norris.

• Chuck Norris was the fifth Beatle, the tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring, and wrote the Bible. Of course we don’t know this because Chuck Norris, being the humble soul he is, roundhouse kicked all knowledge of this out of existence.

• Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.

• And on the seventh day, god said “Let there be Chuck Norris.” And all rejoiced. Except those that received the roundhouse kick shortly thereafter.

• Chuck Norris punched God.